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"Ack!"
~ Bill the Cat
Many years ago, when I was a young woman, naively searching for the perfect man, a friend of mine brought Prince Charming back from Disneyland for me. As is the case with many famous people, he was shorter in real life than he was on the screen. Actually, he was about four inches tall while down on one knee. And he was made of porcelain. I put him on my dresser. Now that Prince Charming lived in my bedroom 24/7, I could focus my energy on finding a partner who actually existed in the real world, someone with gifts and flaws and humanity. I could stop trying to find a man to "save" me. I had my Prince Charming. Now I could start looking for an equal partner. -- At least that was the theory behind my friend's small porcelain gift.
I'd like to say that Prince Charming changed my life, and that my relationships with men were all healthy and balanced partnerships from there on out. This would be a bit of an exaggeration ... Oh alright, it would be an outright lie! But Prince Charming WAS helpful. Ultimately, externalizing this emotional longing for the perfect man -- capturing him in a metaphor -- did help me to see how unrealistic and destructive this longing for a "prince" to come along and save me was.
I was thinking about Prince Charming earlier this week when my boyfriend, Chuck (who is pretty darned close to Prince Charming in my book), reminded me how powerful images and metaphor are in dealing with our inner demons. I am an anxious person. With help from the miracle of modern pharmacology, self-awareness, and mindfulness, my anxiety is for the most part manageable. However, every now and then something will happen to cause my anxiety to spike to uncomfortable and potentially debilitating levels. I feel a little like a speed freak at these times, unable to focus on any but the most mindless task, my thoughts an omelette of fear, distortion, and self doubt. This level of anxiety also triggers one of my favorite defense mechanisms: Avoidance. I have a master's degree in avoidance! It's not a pretty picture, though I'm pretty good at hiding the inner turmoil from the outside world.
I needed an avatar for my anxiety this week, a way to externalize it and face it outside of myself. That's when I remembered Bill the Cat, from the Berkeley Breathed comicstrip, "Bloom County." Bill the Cat -- wild-eyed, disheveled and completely unhinged -- was my man, the perfect image of what my fight or flight anxiety felt like (and who I feared people would discover was the real me!). The best thing about Bill though is that he made me laugh. When I was feeling particularly anxious I would imagine peeling Bill the Cat off my chest or my back one claw at a time. He helped me to laugh at myself. And I don't know a better remedy for anxiety than that!
I carried around another image with me this week too, this one inspired by my friend, Sarah: Wonder Woman. Sarah told me that before a job interview she would get into Wonder Woman stance to get in touch with her inner strength and power. I LOVE that. So, while Bill the Cat clung to my chest, Wonder Woman became the wallpaper for my iphone. Every time I used my phone, I was greeted by the superhero of feminine power. And when I could throw Bill off of my chest for awhile, I would stand in Wonder Woman stance -- feet slightly apart, arms akimbo -- and feel my strength!
The stories we tell ourselves and the pictures we carry around in our heads have a powerful impact on our daily lives. We are the narrators of our own lives, which means we have a choice about how we respond to life events. We may not get to choose what happens to us, but we have choices about what our story will be. And the illustrations we choose for these stories? Well, you know what they say a picture is worth.
