Oh Yeah, Gratitude

"Let us be grateful when we are able to give,

for many do not have that privilege.

Let us be grateful for those who share their gifts with us,

for we are enriched by their giving.

Let us be grateful even for our needs,

So that we may learn from the generosity of others."

~Unitarian affirmation of gratitude and giving

I have written about gratitude as a spiritual practice before. Allow me to demystify my "practice" a bit. I am not climbing to any mountain tops, I assure you. All I do is write down at least three things I am grateful for (most) everyday. And in order to have something to write down, I keep my eye out for the good stuff as I go through the day, the big juicy sunsets, a long walk, or the fact that my friend Alison picked up my kids from school and saved my butt once again. The really cool thing is the unexpected gift this simple practice has given me. I was a glass half empty kind of person for most of my life. Now I hoist a glass that is at least half full most of the time. It's like spiritual jogging. If I do it regularly, I can really feel those gratitude muscles getting stronger. If I get lazy, well then it's a slippery slope straight down to whiny complaining and self pity. Spiritual flab begins to replace good muscle tone.

Well, I've gotten lazy the past couple of months. And I am having trouble mustering up genuine feelings of gratitude. Thanksgiving, the Superbowl of Gratitude, is upon us and I find myself out of shape and unprepared for the game. I may be benched. How embarrassing is that?  Lately, when I do remember to write down three things I am grateful for, it feels sort of forced. The words are there, but not the feelings. Instead of focusing on what is good and plentiful in my life, the things that sustain me and give me strength to do the heavy lifting, I'm mucking around in longing, resentment, blame, focusing on scarcity, complaining about what I don't have. 

My husband, the Buddhist, reminds me that attachment is what causes suffering. When I cling to desire, I suffer. He's right of course. True gratitude is about opening myself up to all that I have right now and feeling that it's enough. But that's not where I've been hanging out these days. I've been wanting what I don't have. It's like I'm bypassing Thanksgiving and going straight to Black Friday, getting sucked into the false promise that if I just get what I think I want, I'll be content. 

What DO I want? I want my children to get off the computer and go for a walk with me. I want more laughter with my husband, less arguing over petty things. I want more time for singing and being with my friends, less time spent racing around. And these are the more noble desires. I want actual things too. I want an iPad, a flat screen TV, a smart phone (if you ask my kids they will tell you that we are practically Luddites). I want to earn more money. I want someone to come and clean my house, blah, blah, blah.

So what is the antidote for this poisoning of gratitude with desire? Well, I think it's giving. Last week I bought a homeless man a sandwich and chatted with him for a minute. I hope he liked the sandwich. Giving it to him and taking the time to connect with him sure warmed me. I volunteered to be a food team leader for the warming shelters that are beginning to open up at local churches too. You might think, oh isn't that generous. Well, actually, it's a little selfish. Last winter when I prepared food for the guests of the warming centers, I was so moved by their gratitude, that it set a fire under my own. And maybe if I want my children to go for a walk with me and my husband to laugh with me, I should look at what I can give them to show them that I love and appreciate them. Giving, like prayer, like practicing gratitude, makes me pay attention, frees me from my head and opens my heart to something much bigger than just me, me, me.

And then there's my daily practice, the spiritual exercise program that keeps me strong. It's time to get off the couch and get back to it. So what are three things I feel gratitude for RIGHT NOW? I am grateful for the sweet text message I received from my minister this morning. I am grateful that my husband is planning a belated birthday "surprise" for me right now. I am grateful for five days to slow down, be with family and friends, eat good food, hike and walk, and look for the good stuff.

Happy Thanksgiving.